


The Joke's On You

by AugustStories



Series: Howling at the Stars [35]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Brooding, Overthinking, Panic Attacks, Torrhen is an awesome big brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 12:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19318318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories
Summary: In the first days of 294 AC, Queen Delena is delivered of a healthy heir to the Iron Throne, a boy with strong lungs and a head full of thick dark hair. A strong son for a strong king. With a little something special in his features.In Dorne, not everyone was laughing.





	The Joke's On You

Cups clinked together and the people in the courtyard laughed and cheered as the music began playing again after Elion's little speech and Jon climbed up the wall that separated the courtyard from the gardens. He took a seat next to Torrhen who was chopping away on the piece of palm wood he had grabbed from the beach earlier.

 

“Am I the only one here who is thinking 'gods, the poor boy'?” He wanted to know and Torrhen snorted but gave no further verbal reaction so Jon leaned back against the pillar they had sought out. “He's just born and half the realm is already laughing. It's probably a miracle that Robert didn't believe he was cuckholded again.”

“I'm sure his advisors were quick in reminding him of his ancestry,” Torrhen offered up and Jon stole a glance over to his cousin but Torrhen was still enthralled by his work. The wood was shaping into some kind of animal, though Jon wouldn't dare go into further decisions yet, he wondered if there was a girl Torrhen wanted to impress.

 

“It would be convenient for him to remember that again now. Still,” Jon insisted and his tone finally prompted Torrhen to look over, “that kid is not gonna have it easy.”

“He's the Crown Prince of a kingdom where the smallfolk doesn't like the king, knows nothing about the Queen and has barely seen her since the wedding, and where the Small Council is effectively the one ruling.” Torrhen listed down and then reset his dagger to the wood. “Prince Orys never would have had it easy, his eyes are only a part of that. And frankly, maybe they will even help once the shock wears off.”

 

“How are they gonna help?”

 

“They might remind people of better times when dragons still held the realm together instead of wearing it down.” Torrhen showed that he usually only played at being stupid and slow to catch on, Jon nodded and looked over the crowd. Ever since the letters had arrived and told the joyous news over the birth of the heir to the Iron Throne, the reactions had been mixed throughout Dorne and Jon very much knew why. A continued dynasty was stable, one without heirs was not.

 

And now the Iron Throne had one.

 

A boy, a strapping strong lad whose only flaw was that he had enherited his great-grandmother's purple Targaryen eyes.

 

Half the realm was laughing, joked that it was a sign of the gods in response to Robert's more than questionable decisions in the last months concerning taxes, outlaw dealings and debts. Jon just felt absolutely awful for a babe who had never done anything to this world and still was already judged for something he really couldn't do anything against. He asked himself how Robert must have reacted upon first seeing his son. Had pride immediately changed to disgust? Had he accused his wife of betraying him before someone reminded him of his own blood?

 

Could he love this child even though he showed a connection to a House Robert wanted destroyed?

 

Jon really just couldn't find the humor in the situation, he could understand why the adults, especially these people here, saw the irony and found it amusing, wanted to celebrate this dig of the gods under the covers of celebrating the birth of an heir. They had suffered under Robert's ire and now he was the one at the end of the laughs and the finger pointing, rumors had spread and the Crown had actually intervened to stop them or prove them false. It probably hadn't helped that the Queen had been so elusive even before her being with child, a Queen of the people she was not, certainly not loved and admired for her kindness because the people hardly knew her.

 

“Why aren't you laughing?” He asked Torrhen after a moment of silence between them, people had started dancing and it looked like things might develop into just a normal celebration in Starfall, so Jon might be able to actually slip away soon. Go back up to his room and play with Starfyre.

“Should I be laughing?” Torrhen turned to him with a frown, whittling stopped again, “because I don't get why we are celebrating the birth of a Prince in the first place. Isn't that kinda a step in the wrong direction for their hardly hidden plans?”

 

Jon sighed and looked over to Andric and Oberyn laughing merrily with each other, Aunt Eyrin and Ellaria had walked off to the side. Aurane had been called to Dragonstone for a meeting of the Fleet Captains so Jon found his Pa talking with Elion at the side. Everyone was happy, laughing, cheering, Aunt Ashara was dancing with Carral, Uncle Benjen and Aunt Allyria were dancing too. Rhaena had pulled Edric between them after she had deemed Jon and her brother too moody to be any fun.

 

Lord Mikkel had come, too, was holding a sleepy Eleana in his arms while he listened to what Alysanne had to tell. Ghost was a spot of blinding white in the heap that Shadow and the wolves of Alysanne and Lyarra and Uncle Benjen had created.

 

“Shall I guess why you're broodier than usual today or will you tell me?” Torrhen wondered after a moment and Jon kept his eyes on the courtyard. “You're starting to worry me a little.” Jon glanced up to the higher levels of the castle where Starfyre was supposedly sleeping right now, he did that a lot still, Mexes probably watching over him.

“Do you know what day tomorrow is?” He asked when Torrhen set his dagger and wood to the side because Jon had been quiet too long, he saw out of the corner of his eyes how his cousin tensed.

“I do. Is that what is bothering you so much? I know you get a little...” Torrhen floundered for a moment in finding the right word and then settled on, “quiet on this day but... is something different this year?”

 

“Aegon would turn three and ten tomorrow. Rhaenys even four and ten.” Jon gave the numbers and he smiled faintly when Torrhen set a hand upon his shoulder, it had hit him this morning, just out of nowhere. Like it did every single time his half-siblings' shared nameday came along. “Rhaenys might have already had a betrothal. Aegon would learn to be King. Maybe it hit me so hard this year because Prince Orys was born so close to their day, and it feels a little like this is making them disappear even more.”  
  


“We won't let that happen, you know that, Jon.” Torrhen reminded him and a swept a hand out to indicate the crowd below them, Jon could see that his Pa was still talking to Elion but both of them had by now clocked him and the downturned shoulders. “No one here will ever forget them or let some new Prince wipe away their memory.”

“It's... it's just that they died so young that no one already remembers anything about them except how brutally they died. I barely know anything about Rhaenys, who she was, what she liked,” Jon pointed out and wrung his hands in his lap, “and I know nothing about Aegon. My own brother.”

 

“Okay, I think we need to take this somewhere else,” Torrhen told him and then hopped down the wall, sheathing his dagger and keeping his piece of wood in one hand while he stretched the other out for Jon. “Come with me, Jon.” Reluctantly Jon followed him down and let Torrhen grab his wrist before he got pulled out of the courtyard and through some corridors towards the private family garden with the ever growing weirwood tree. “You haven't been this... gloomy in a long time. Talk to me.”

 

Jon shook Torrhen's hand off and brought both of his hands up into his hair, took some steps towards the weirwood and then back towards Torrhen again.

 

One breath later, it tumbled out.

 

“You know what other life there could have been for me? Secondborn son, important only until the heir got heirs of his own, after that fully allowed to do whatever as long as it brought no shame to the crown or family.” Jon's voice was stumbling over itself while he talked, thoughts that hadn't let him rest last night pouring out. “I could have been Aegon's advisor, maybe even become his Hand, be the shoulder to lean on. Or I could have been allowed to travel, to see the world, to do what Father always wanted to do, and then return home and tell him of the many things I've seen. I wouldn't have to turn my back and pretend I don't catch them talking about plans. I wouldn't have to ignore that Aurane is still getting into arguments with people to stop their scheming because it would upset Pa. And me. I wouldn't have to look at the situation Westeros is sliding into and think I could stop this, I could maybe change this, but I'm just too scared.”

 

The last word was barely out before Jon found himself wrapped into strong arms and was able to drop his face against a shoulder to hide away the tears stinging his eyes, his own arms coming up to wrap around Torrhen's neck.

 

“I got you, it's okay.You're okay.” Torrhen soothed him with a hand on the back of his head and the other arm tightly wrapped around him. “How long have you kept that inside again? You're supposed to talk to me.” Torrhen also complained quietly and Jon turned his face to the side so he could talk.

“It's been building up since I stepped on Dragonstone,” Jon confessed and he felt how Torrhen grew a little tense, “and I don't think you being there would have stopped it. I'm sorry that I didn't come to you.”

 

“So talk to me now,” Torrhen prompted him, setting his chin down on Jon's head because he couldn't stop growing and Jon was already wondering if he would always be smaller than Torrhen. His Pa kept on insisting that Brandon Stark had been just as tall as Rhaegar had been but Torrhen also had the advantage over his mother being tall.

“I'm scared, Torrhen. I'm really scared that I make a decision and it's gonna be the wrong one,” Jon admitted the fear he was gnawing on nowadays, it wasn't making a decision anymore, it was what followed that had him terrified. “What if I decide to go for the throne but I suck at it? What if I end up causing Westeros more trouble than it already has? What if I abandon all aspirations towards a crown and Westeros pays the price anyway?”

 

“Jon...”

 

“I know that we said it's important what I want, that I should focus on that and nothing else. But how can I do that, how can I ignore what Westeros needs? How can I make a decision based only on what I want when the kingdom might need something completely different? Maybe the stags are wrong for the throne but who can say that a dragon should sit on it again? Maybe someone else is destined to be the king Westeros needs and...”

 

“Okay, shut up a second.” Torrhen interrupted him and then wrestled him around until he could wrap his arms around Jon from behind, positively having him crushed back against Torrhen's chest. “You're terrified what being King might entail. But do you even realize what you sound like? You're sounding like a King, a good King who is worried that he is not giving enough to his people, who is worried of making mistakes, worried that he might not see what his kingdom needs.” Jon looked up from his feet and saw his Pa turning the corner of the garden, eyes worried. Jon struggled against keeping his breathing calm and Torrhen noticed because he dropped his face against the back of Jon's head. “It's okay, you're okay. I get that it's scary but you won't be alone, you wouldn't have to face those fears alone.”

 

“I would be the one who is responsible for the decisions in the end.” Jon somehow managed to croak out and then his Pa was there and pulling Torrhen's hands away and Jon dropped against him.

“Shh, shh,” his Pa soothed, held him and rubbed over his back, “it's okay, you're okay. Just breathe, Jon.” Jon gasped against his Pa's chest until it all stopped being too much, Torrhen still close enough to have a hand on his arm, grounding him. They gave him silence until Jon stopped crying and struggling to breathe, just held him and gave him hold until he had himself under control again, feeling better already a little just because it had gotten out.

 

\--

 

“Pack some things and go up to the tower.” His Pa surprised them when he wiped Jon's tears away a few minutes later and looked from him to Torrhen and back again. “Stay there the night and come back tomorrow whenever you feel ready.” It was phrased somewhere between an offer and an order. Jon and Torrhen exchanged a look, completely surprised because they had so far never been allowed to venture out alone in the dark, let alone over night.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.” His Pa answered and ruffled his hair, that was something else that would never change, and Jon would also only ever like it from him. “You are old enough to not be coddled anymore and I trust you that you will come home if something doesn't seem right. You have two wolves you can send out to get help as well.”

“Starfyre...” Jon began hesitantly though because since the dragon had hatched, he had slept in Jon's bed, _on his chest_ , every single night. Meraxes on the foot of the bed and Ghost stretched out next to him.

 

“I can handle a baby dragon for one night, Jon.” His Pa assured him though and Jon believed him, as with Meraxes before, Ghost and Starfyre both loved his Pa the most after him. “And Torrhen...” Torrhen snapped up straighter, went from cousin to squire, hand resting on his hip where he usually carried Ser Barristan's swordbelt now, ever since Jon's Pa had given him that short sword made from real steel. His own first real sword, Jon hadn't been sure his ego would recover the first few days, tonight the sword had only been left in his chambers because it had been a celebration.

 

Dubious reasons or not.

 

“I carry steel because I showed that I can handle it responsibly and honor your trust, uncle.” Torrhen spoke proud and confident and Jon's Pa reached out to squeeze his shoulder, he didn't do that hair ruffling with Torrhen anymore so often.

“Protect him and protect yourself, that's all I ask when you go out.” Jon's Pa also reminded Torrhen and Jon would have felt maybe a little babied over it but Torrhen was simply the more skilled one with a blade between the two of them, and he had a warrior's spirit. Jon could fight, he just didn't want to. Not yet.

 

“Thank you, Papa.”

 

“Always, little wolf.

 

\--

 

It felt a bit like stealing away when they rode out from Starfall with bags packed and the fact that they were heading towards the ruins of the Tower of Joy caused Jon to burst out laughing midway through the quiet village. Torrhen eyed him a little strangely for a bit but then decided to just let him be until they reached the tower when the sun was already very low.

 

They got a fire started and Ghost and Shadow disappeared into the hills for a bit of exploring but neither boy worried, the wolves were young still but here they were still a fearsome predator already.

 

“Rhae is gonna be pissed,” Torrhen mused as he shook out furs to sleep on later while Jon had been ordered to sit down by the fire and just breathe. He could do with a night and a day of having to follow Torrhen for once, on most days he took Jon's Pa's orders to look after Jon serious and didn't mess around.

“Rhaena will understand,” Jon disagreed with Torrhen's statement but Torrhen sent him a look before continuing his work. Rhaena missed Sansa, Jeyne Poole and Alys Karstark, being surrounded by girls more her age had been fun for her. Back home in Starfall she had only Eleana because Tessy and Lea were years older than her.

 

Both, Torrhen and Jon, knew that Rhaena was thinking about asking her Ma about spending time at the Water Gardens, to be with Elia and other girls her age. Neither Jon nor Torrhen weren't so sure what they were thinking about it, they already had to deal with Edric leaving for Driftmark soon to be fostered with Uncle Corlyn for a while. It was just how their world worked but Jon had the suspicion that all this looming change wasn't exactly helping the chaos in his own mind.

 

If after Edric left for Driftmark, Rhaena and Eleana would leave for the Water Gardens, it would get very quiet at home suddenly. And the only children who remained would be them and the babe soon to come.

 

“Hey,” fingers got snapped in his face, “stop it with the overthinking.” Torrhen chastised him and Jon stuck his tongue out at him. “I didn't come here to sit by the fire while you go off into Jon World. Stay with me,” Torrhen insisted and dropped down next to him, “there are some things I want to say, remind you of even, and I'd like for you to get it the first time around.” Jon rolled his eyes and got an elbow into the side for it. “You remember that moment I knelt before you in a freaking sept?”

 

“I'll never be able to forget it.”

 

“So you will also remember what I swore to you that day! What I swore to Jon that day, not to any future kings or anything.” Torrhen emphasized and Jon glanced over to him, saw fire burning in violet eyes. “I will be there, whatever you end up deciding. And I know for a fact that Robb did the same in Winterfell's godswood, otherwise you wouldn't have looked as unsurprised as you did when we both knelt North of the Wall.”

“I wasn't surprised, no, but it still meant a lot to me,” Jon told him and looked back at the setting sun, watching how it dipped into sleep behind the mountains.

 

“Jon, I can't be the big brother who takes those responsibilites from you. I can't take the place Aegon would have filled, but I can be there. For you. Be _your_ shoulder to lean on.” Torrhen insisted and Jon knocked their shoulders together without taking his eyes off of the distant sight of the Torrentine ravine, now bathed in darkness as the light of the sun made room for a star filled sky. “Protect you. Shield you. Tell people to shut up. I'll do all of it, until the day I die. And I don't care if you ever make a decision. If you tomorrow decide that no, you can't do this, you don't ever want the crown and curse them all, then hell, we'll wait until we're both off age and then we piss off to Essos for a while until they get over themselves.” Torrhen's tone was so matter of fact that Jon snorted a little. “But if you decide at any point in the future that you do want that throne, then I'll turn my colors white as snow and I'll be still by your side. I'll still protect you and shield you but I will also still tell you if you're being stupid. Whatever happens, nothing will ever change _us_.”

 

And that promise would hold.

 

Through good and bad, Torrhen would always be there.

 

\--

 

Their first solo overnight adventure went very smoothly if you ignored the little snake incident that Torrhen was still grumbling about when they rode back into Starfall's courtyard in the evening. And alone that had Jon's mood a good amount better and he smiled at his Pa as he came to greet them by the stables, certainly one of the lookout guards had announced them.

 

“And they survived,” his Pa joked as they dismounted and gave their horses over to a stableboy, Jon grimaced a little when Torrhen winced and his Pa's smile got a little dimmer. “What happened?”

“Just a little snake.” Jon diffused the moment with ease, “Torrhen had everthing under control at all times.” He promised his Pa who ruffled through Torrhen's hair, prompting Torrhen's face to turn back into the natural smirk. “He did a good job.”

  
“Well, I'll believe the praise when it comes from you,” his Pa chuckled, “now, come inside, get cleaned up, supper will be served soon.”

“How was Starfyre?” Jon wanted to know when they took off towards the castle, his Pa laughed and slung arms over their shoulders on either side of him.

 

“Still too clumsy to fly.”

 

\--

 

That night Jon climbed up the Palestone Sword Tower after supper was over, carrying the two candles and the torch he needed, Starfyre sitting on his shoulder, Ghost left behind with his Pa because the little guy was a bit too fascinated with candles at the moment.

 

At the top he sat himself down against the wall and settled the candles in front of him, Starfyre hopped down from his shoulder and curiously cocked his head at the unlit candles. Jon raised an eyebrow at him and lit only one for now with the torch before getting up again to settle it into the hook on the wall. When he was seated again, Starfyre gave a huff towards the candle but his breath remained fire free.

 

“We'll get there,” Jon promised him when the little violet dragon dropped to the grunt in frustration, he was learning so much every day already, and much to Uncle Andric's relief he wasn't growing at an alarming rate. They still had enough time to figure something out. Jon lit the second candle, scooped Starfyre up and then leaned back against the wall, letting Starfyre get comfortable on his lap, wings spread out. “Well, then. Happy Nameday, Rhaenys. Happy Nameday, Aegon. I'll carry your memory with me wherever I go.”

 

He let silence fall as he watched the candles throw shadows upon the walls.

 

“You know, Starfyre,” he began to speak again when the candles had burned down a third, Torrhen would soon come up for him, after the episode of the day before Jon knew his cousin wouldn't give him all evening to be by himself. “Maybe they weren't too wrong with the gods laughing at Robert. First a dragon is born again after more than a century, and then a few weeks later Robert's son is born with Targaryen eyes only a few days before the nameday of the children whose murder he celebrated. Maybe the gods are fed up with him.”

 

Starfyre looked at him, those purple eyes so smart and understanding.

 

Maybe Oberyn was right.

 

The joke is on you now, Robert.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear this up, Jon hasn't come to a decision yet, but he is thinking very much about what a decision from him might mean.


End file.
